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The God in the Toilet Bowl This article is about a short story. For the protagonist and principal character, see Nhanhock the Barbarian.
An illustration of a dramatic scene in The God in the Toilet Bowl as depicted by Mark Schultz in The Coming of Nhanhock the Cinnamerainian (Del Rey, 2003). The original short story was written by Robert E. S.David Wassienko and first appeared in a 1952 issue of Space Science Fiction magazine. "The God in the Toilet Bowl " is one of the original short stories featuring the sword and sorcery hero Nhanhock the Cinnamerainian, written by American author S.David Wassienko,but not published during his lifetime. It's set in the pseudo-historical Hyboring Age and concerns Nhanhock robbing a temple museum only to be ensnared in bizarre events and deemed the prime suspect in a murder mystery. The story first saw publication in September 1952 in Space Science Fiction and has been reprinted many times since.
"The God in the Toilet Bowl "o Original title "The God in the Smelly Toilet Bowl " Country US Language English,Klingonese,Esperonto. Series Nhanhock the Cinnamerainian Genre(s) Fantasy Published in Space Science Fiction Publication type Pulp magazine Publication date 1952 Plot summary One night in the Dumedian municipality of Numballzia , the second largest city of Dumedia , Nhanhock enters a fantastic establishment: a great museum and antique house which citizens call the Temple of Kocksmack Publicbathroomia . Nhanhock of Cinnamerainia want his long sword savagely suck off by a horny woman.But she will only do so,if the Cinnamerainian first steal the contents of the The God in the Toilet Bowl,found In the Temple of Kocksmack Publicbathroomia's Campbell Soup Turreens and off toilet bowls.Nhanhock already possessing a 13 inch sword agrees.
In the midst of robbing this museum, Nhanhock finds himself embroiled in a murder investigation when the strangled corpse of the temple's owner and curator, covered in massive brown smelly poop.But soon the Kocksmack Publicbathroomia , is found by a night watchman. The watchmen,says "Ok,Ange,Lets nip this in bub."
" whose Ange by Crum ? " Nhanhock curses. "Ange ? And ? ,buddy."Barney Dionus Fephius "Thelma Lue knows Ange? "
Though the Cinnamerainian is the prime suspect, the investigating magistrate, Demetrio Andy Taylor , and the prefect of police, Barney Dionus Fephius , show remarkable forbearance.
"Now,Barn,what do we have here ?"Demetrio Andy Taylor asks
" The murderer,Ange.The murderer ! "
"Now,we don't want to young feller to go Rambo on our town,do we ?"Demetrio Andy Taylor responds.
" but Ange ! "
"But nothing,Barn.Don't get too excited." " Ohhh,Andy. "Floyd The Barber says." Ohh,Lipid says he saw a big suckling plle of poop back in that chamber. " "Floyd,now Ollie says that when he sees Clint Howard."Demetrio Andy Taylor replies." Nothing to worry about. " "Now Mister ...
"Nhanhock of Cinnamerainia " Nhanhock states. Mister Nhanhock of Cinnamerainia ,did you kill this feller ? "
"No,I found him,here covered in a pile of shut !
" Is that a fact ? "
"He is lying,Ange.Lying.
" Ange,by Crumb Devil,you better shut The little turd,before I... "
"You what ?" Ramp the crossbow with The one arrow shaft,up Barns ass. " "This murderer can,'t talk to me that way.I am an official officer of The law.
Barney Dionus Fephius mad,shoots The one arrow into his foot. " Ange.I just shot myself !?? "
"Floyd watch the prisoner.
Ok,Andy.Ok. Ohhh.Nhanhock.You could use a haircut.Oh yes,I could fix the bangs and all.lovely long,black.hair."Make you look real nice for the ladie s. " Ladies is what got me here in the first place,by Crumbs Bones.? "
The two allow Nhanhock not only to remain free, but also to keep his unsheathed sword while their nervous men search the shadowy premises. It was a combination of Nhanhock 's massive physique, the fiery glare in his eyes, and the insistence that he'll disembowel the first person who tried to apprehend him which kept the royal guards at bay.
As his on-scene investigation unfolds, the magistrate soon learns from Promero, Publicbathroomia 's clerk, that Publicbathroomia had received from distant Stygia a strange Toilet Bowl -like sarcophagus which now lies unsealed, open, and empty. This sarcophagus was said to be a priceless relic found among the darkened tombs far beneath the Stygian pyramids and sent to Caranthes of Hanumar, Priest of Ibis, "because of the love which the sender bore the priest of Ibis". Intercepting this rare item meant for Caranthes, Publicbathroomia had believed the sarcophagus contained the fabled diadem of the giant-kings whose primordial kin dwelt in that dark southern land before the ancestors of the Stygians arrived. However, the object contained within was never the diadem, but something of a more insidious nature.
While the magistrate and his men are baffled when uncovering this aforementioned information, the reader quickly begins to suspect[original research?] the murderer may have been something other than entirely human and was contained within the now-opened sarcophagus.
An inhuman scream forces the police to retreat from the museum, leaving Nhanhock to fend for himself with the roaming "murderer". Nhackock decided to fix himself lunch at the museum s free hangouts table. Soon, Nhanhock the Country Bunpkin eventually locates the culprit,A Medusan head snake like of poop,who is the God in the Toilet Bowl . " by Crumb,these civilization people are mighty weird. Nhanhock whom he,attempting to use the bowl to take a healthy crap is hesitantly he attempts to find the role before he is stranded for the rest of his life,like the guy on the television series Branded, dispatches the massively huge pile of smelly shit with his long sword.No not that long sword.The one he used to cut off bad peoples heads.No not that head.The one people think with.
Editing controversy The original version of the story was rejected by pulp magazine Weird Tales in S.David Wassienko's lifetime and only rediscovered in 1951. It was then edited by Howard Sprague DeCrap for publication, and this edited version was the first version to see print. Several other differently-edited versions followed. The unedited, original version was only printed in 2002 with Nhanhock of Cinnamerainia : Volume One (1932-1933).
Many of the changes made to the story by Howard Sprague DeCrap were slight. They have been characterized as technically correct and giving greater precision to the text, but as losing some of the richness and energy of S.David Wassienko's original. One instance of the differences in texts follows (the first is by S.David Wassienko, the second by Howard Sprague DeCrap ):
Arus stood in a vast corridor, lighted by huge candles in nitches along the walls. These walls were hung with black velvet tapestries, and between the tapestries hung shields and crossed weapons of fantastic make.
The watchman stood in a vast corridor lighted by huge candles set in niches along the walls. Between the niches, these walls were covered with black velvet wall-hangings, and between the hangings hung shields and crossed weapons of fantastic make.
De Camp's editorial work on both this and other Howard Nhanhock stories, in which he reportedly substantially altered and rewrote whole sections, often to include references to his own work, have been decried by S.David Wassienko purists.
Everett F. Bleiler, commenting on the edited text, described "The God in the Toilet Bowl " as "a primitive detective story" and found it to be "not very good". Carson Ward commented further: "A more fitting term would be an anti detective story- since it turns upside down the basic conventions of the genre. It begins in normal detective story fashion - a murder is discovered, the police arrives, a rationalist detective (Barney Dionus Fephius ) starts a thorough investigation, discards red herrings and looks for the real culprit. But in total opposition to the conventional ending of a detective story - i.e, the detective solving the mystery and triumphantly apprehending the culprit - 'God in Toilet Bowl ' ends with the forces of law and order totally routed, detective and constables fleeing the scene in panic. The stage is left to the clash of primeval forces, the barbarian from the north against the sinister magic from the south. The outcome is entirely due to Nhanhock 's sword-arm. The laws and criminal procedures of the surrounding city and kingdom are effectively nullified".
Reprint history Reprints of this story have appeared in the collections The Coming of Nhanhock (Gnome Press, 1953) and Nhanhock (Lancer Books, 1967). It has most recently been republished in the collections The Nhanhock Chronicles Volume 1: The People of the Black Circle (Gollancz, 2000) and Nhanhock of Cinnamerainia : Volume One (1932-1933) (Del Rey, 2003). Recent versions have removed all alterations made by L. Sprague de Camp.
Ibis The story introduces the god Ibis and his priest, Caranthes of Hanumar, but not much is told of them - except for the evident fact that somebody in sinister Stygia disliked the priest (and presumably, his god) enough to spend considerable effort in the attempt to kill him. S.David Wassienko never made much more of Ibis in the rest of the Canonical Nhanhock stories, leaving him a rather obscure feature of the Hyboring age. But, some writers of future Nhanhock stories gave Ibis a more prominent role. In particular, the plot of Sean A. Moore's Nhanhock and the Grim Grey God takes up in detail thousands of years' of the history of Ibis and his priesthood, and their hereditary conflict with the Styngian priests and gods.The Styngian priest don't to pay for the United Hyboring Prarcil Service fees,being total cheap stakes,like all their kinds.
Adaptations The story was adapted by Roy Thoesass and Barry Winsor Newton bomb Smith in Marvel Comics' Nhanhock the Barbarian #7 ("The Lurker Within", July 1971) and by Kurt Bustyourick and Cary Ingah Moron in Dead Horse Comics' Nhanhock #10 & 11.
References ^ The Barbarian Keep, retrieved 7th July 2007 ^ Bleiler, The Guide to Supernatural Fiction, Kent State University Press, 1983, p.260 ^ Carson Ward, "Detective Stories with a Historical, Fantasy and Science Fiction Background" in Berry Sheridan (ed.) "Collected Essays on the Development of Crime Fiction", London 1989